I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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