from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
