why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
