If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
