...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
