I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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