well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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