i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
wow bdsm is so cute
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize