you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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