ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
