So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
