if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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