This house was built for laser tag.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize