i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
