I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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