she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
There r osticjed everywhere
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
