last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize