we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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