So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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