the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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