The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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