So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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