I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
