i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
