I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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