this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
