And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Randomize
