This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize