That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
