theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
