We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
