whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
