at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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