Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
