i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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