I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just pee around me
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
