This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize