Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
