and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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