he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
