How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Randomize
