I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
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