I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize