Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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