my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Randomize
