my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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