I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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