Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
