i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize
