He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
