I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
