She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
