I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Even my vagina gasped.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Ladies don't puke and tell
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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