this boner is exhausting
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
