You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
