How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Randomize
