i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize