I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
