I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
