YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Are these your boobs on my camera?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
