im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
