u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You smell like stripper and shame
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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