Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Bring me that man meat
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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