all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
