i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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