u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
pray to the hookup gods
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Randomize
