Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
