oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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