She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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