Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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