if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
