Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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