I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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