And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
