Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
