Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
