please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
