You really coming over, don't trick.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
