tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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