party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
