so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
