cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
