i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
