hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
And then he peed in my hair
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