Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i think my cat just said my name.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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