and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
