I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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