How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
