i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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