Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
