Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize