They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
