my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also, beer. Big fan.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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