He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize