It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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