i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
