I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
