Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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