I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
