it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
