you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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