I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
