I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
