youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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