my sisters under your porch take her home
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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