you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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