oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize